Metal Gear Stupid: Sons of Libido
by Tactics Snake
Summary: A parody of MGS 2. Might continue on when that is finished, but I have no idea where to go. Plot suggestions, and constructive critisim welcome! Regular old flames are still met with coolent spray


Metal Gear Stupid: Sons of Libido.

Chapter One: Of bungee jumps, and nut cups.

All events in this story are made up, by the Patriots. Any events that parallel real life, blah blah blah, were probably done by the Patriots to ruin some ones life. By the way, watch out for that guy that sits behind you in chemistry. He's either a Patriot, or a serial pervert…I'm too lazy to tell you which…

P.S. I don't own any thing except for any of my own characters, and all the gaurds that are killed, since they had it coming to them.

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April first. George Washington Bridge.

Two men are walking down the bridge, both wearing ponchos, or some type of rain coat. The one man smokes, and blows the smoke into the wind, the other man coughs, and complains about second hand smoke. Suddenly, a big gust of wind comes up, and blows off their ponchos, reveling Solid Snake, and Raiden. Not realizing they don't have their stealth camo on, they continue to walk on, several cars pulling over, and taking pictures of them.

Raiden: Why are all those people taking pictures in out direction, how come I can see you, and we're not see through?!?

Snake: …You never asked.

Raiden: I JUST DID!!!

Snake: Oh…Stealth Camo's busted, landing impact.

Raiden: What the hell!? We haven't jumped yet! 

Snake: Oh…Umm….Press and hold L and cycle through your inventory until you come up to the rations. Press the Confirmation button to eat Rations. This will help you recover LIFE.

Raiden: Stupid quotes or not…they can see us.

Raiden and Snake share a look, and bolt off, running as fast as possible. Snake puts out his cigarette, throwing it at Raiden's hair, setting it ablaze. The young blonde stops for a moment to scream, and put the fire up, and then runs a far bit behind Snake.

All of a sudden, rather unrepentantly, Snake jumps off the bridge, bungee jumping down to the sea below. He soon sees below a tanker. (Snicker) He quickly begins to twist and turn, Matrix style, causing his fall to slow some how. Suddenly, the line snaps, pulling Snake up. His face contorts and twists and his hands quickly cover his groin. Raiden, who was right behind, starts screaming.

Raiden: OH GOD! I DON'T WANT TO PULL MY GROIN!!!

Snake: No need to ARGH worry about that Raiden!

Raiden looks around, suddenly realizing he's not attached to any bungee cords. He begins to scream as he falls quicker and quicker. All of a sudden, he's consumed by smoke, as one of he falls into one of the smoke stacks.

The scene shifts back to Snake, whose line snapped again, and broke, landing him on a heap on the tankers deck. He can be seen, huddled in a fetal position, covering his groin, above him, large words appear.

METAL GEAR STUPID: SONS OF LIBIDO

Snake groans in pain, twisting and convoluting, as his Codec beeps.

Otacon: Snake! Are you there?

Snake: Not now, Metal Gear Snake is busted, landing impact. I need to eat some rations first. Call back in a few.

Munching sounds can be heard, as Otacon sighs, and switches over to Raiden's frequency.

Otacon: Raiden! You there?

Raiden: ….

Otacon: Raiden!?

Raiden: ………

Otacon: RAIDEN!!!

Raiden: Huh? Oh sorry, I'm just wondering how I turned African-American…

Otacon: What the?

Raiden steps out from the shadows, covered in soot, looking very much like a black man.

Otacon: What's your status?

Raiden: Sense of reality busted, VR training impact.

Otacon: God damnit! Will you and Snake stop messing around! Where are you any way?

Raiden: We're on some Tanker, to destroy a Metal Gear.

Otacon: What?!

Raiden: Come on! It's New York, its night! It's raining! There were cars on the bridge, there has to be a Metal Gear here!

Otacon: Fine…I'm board anyway. Get to the holds. Satellite surveillance is an international pass time these days. Unless they disguised the Metal Gear as a Weapon of Mass Destruction, and hid it in Iraq…Well, anyways, just get to the holds. My frequency is 141.12.

Raiden: Is there a frequency for me to save my data?

Otacon: Yes, I've set it one a side for that. The frequency is 140.96. However, I won't be operating.

Raiden: Why not? 

Otacon: Because, I'm downloading a bunch of Hentai from Kazza right now. My connection speed sucks, and unless you want a ten minute save, I suggest you use some one else. Oh, and by the way, for the duration of this mission, you Code Name has been changed to Jack.

Raiden: Jack…why?

Otacon: You'll-

Before Otacon can finish, he's cut off, by the scourge of the universe.

Rose: Raiden!

Jack: Rose?! What the hell?

Rose: Raiden, can you hear me! Do you want to save?

Jack: No! Put Otacon on!

Otacon: Sorry about that, my download was qued. Anyways, now you understand the code name. Since I'll be unavailable for most of the mission, you'll be dealing with Snake, Rose, and who ever else if listening in for fun. Since Snake doesn't know about this, he'll still call you Raiden McSissy boy. And Rose will call you Raiden, just because she can remember Code Names worth a shit. Any thing else you need to know?

Raiden: Why doesn't Snake where a cup when he bungees?

Otacon: Oh, that? Snake thinks protection, or any sort, lowers his mojo. If it weren't for the fact that the ability to reproduce was removed from him, he'd have about 5,320 illegitimate children. Of course, right when I call him, he swears he's gonna buy one, but then…he blows up Metal Gear, gets drunk, sleeps with a college chick, and forgets all about it.

Raiden: Right…

Otacon: Don't worry about it, until Kojima programs a Penis and Testicles to you; you don't have to worry about things like these.

Raiden: All right! Cool!

Raiden quickly runs out into the Tanker, and starts killing random Russians, knowing that no matter what happens, he can never pull his groin muscle….

_Meanwhile…_

Snake: Argh…God damnit…I need protection….

Otacon: (Over Codec) Snake! Repairs complete?

Snake: Yeah, I'm never truly destroyed as long as my cigarettes are safe.

Otacon: Good. Here's the chat log from mine and Raiden's conversation. You'll find the mission objectives, and some other sick stuff in there.

Snake: (Looking over the data) Holy shit!

Otacon: I know, Raiden's a scary mofo….Anyways, just get to the holds, find out what ever's down there, and then take some pictures, and get the hell out of there!

Snake: …No bridge this time?

Otacon: Fine, what ever….AHH!! Downloads complete! I'll talk to you later!

Otacon signs off, causing Snake to shrug. All of a sudden, something sharp pokes him in the arm. He suddenly looks up, to see a blue exclamation mark above his head.

Snake: What the hell!?

Snake looks up again, to see some one shoot the blue exclamation mark, causing him to instantly fall asleep. The scene quickly shifts to Raiden, who holsters his M9.

Raiden: God damnit these guards are stupid!

FINISH!

Time: 10,000 points.

Bullets: (M9) 8,000 points.

No kill bonus: Doesn't matter.

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Next time on Metal Gear Stupid: Sons of Libido…

Raiden: It's true, I love Spam! I just love the way it tastes…God…I feel dirty inside…


End file.
